Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
