I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
