If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
