I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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