Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
