Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
