it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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