Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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