my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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