I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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