She's JV to your varsity
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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