Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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