Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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