peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
