Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
