Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
