My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He did a backflip because drugs
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
