cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I will pee on everything he values.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
