Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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