I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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