so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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