I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize