return my video game
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
