I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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