After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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