dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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