Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
