Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
