How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize