When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
