Already got asked if we're dating
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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