if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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