Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
