Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
