You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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