K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
