Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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