If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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