I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
