Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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