Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
