I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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