There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
organizing the empties. That sober.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize