The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
