Kiss
Puke
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
