i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
its liver damage thursday
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