So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
