are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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