she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
