I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
