it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
