I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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