I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
