I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
