After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
