he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
