The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
