We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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