Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Is Oprah even human
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
