Your mouth is God's brothel.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize