I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
