i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
