fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just want nice things and good sex
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
