im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
