Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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