I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
