he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
