the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
