Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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