When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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