I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
