Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
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