So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
