I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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